We can lose Control – ON purpose
[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Today after so many reflective times, I have found something profound about my next steps. I have also found the selflessness needed in order to make them.
It’s the simple understanding and realization that I “am not in control”
I tend to be very organized, realistic and moreover plan for everything that may or may not be- using careful strategy and determination.
Nothing is in our control
I know myself. If I close my eyes and go within…. I am me. But what is ME? I am blood, veins, tissue, bones, breath. I am not actually anyone but two words I call myself (or society does – first name, last name) But who is me?
Each day I wake up and do a self-scan. Starting with my breathing and concentrating on something that we do freely without thought because it is automatic. However… and I will say I had no fucking clue this was a thing a year ago – but meditation starts here.
Breathing – Taking CONTROL over our breaths. Our abdomen rising and lowering as we do as a child does…. Breathe. Trust me – as we get older…
because when we lose touch of our connection with the breath…emotions take over. When we pay attention it becomes obvious, our emotions are closely linked with our breath.
So we concentrate and scan our body, starting at our toes, then our ankles and continue upwards (or starting head to toe, depending on your own individual preference– I don’t care nor know if there is a right direction). We carry on scanning ourselves, scanning all parts and focusing our minds to feel every inch of our bodies.
When scanning yourself… you may think about yesterday’s troubles or years ago glories. You may challenge tomorrow’s goals or the future’s potential gains….BUT… it is NOT in our control.
Not only is yesterday over… but tomorrow hasn’t begun and we do not know from second to second where the next minute may lie. There is good promise and hope – but having faith is likely the closest thing to control we could have.
So.. Like I started… I have only just re-realized this. I actually was raised with this understanding but fuck – I am an adult. I have a child, a home, a career, my health, my family, friendships and relations….. I would like to ASSUME that I should be the one governing all next steps and so I spend much time considering tomorrow’s and the days to come..
That’s not wrong. I am not saying I would ever stop pre meditating what I would love and desire… however, where I worry and feel conflicted… I now know – this is a path that has contributed to much anxiety because these concerns are not mine to consider.
Hell, why shouldn’t I consider being TOO rich, TOO healthy, TOO happy… well… probably because I would have to be self-absorbed egotistical fuck to think that way. Maybe others do. Either way – neither spectrum makes sense. We can worry about the worst possible scenarios. We can manifest solutions to problems that haven’t even crossed our paths. We can control words and others actions/reactions by playing a scene in your mind long before the time may ever come. It may not only be a waste of time but also it creates a health problem within us many ignore.
Call it stress… anxiety… compulsion, obsession -Whatever. It can be many things but at the end of the day what it is – control that we have no control over. Whoa
Let’s discuss – I would love to hear how others have struggled in this area and either grew from it like I am choosing to OR perhaps challenge me otherwise
Self-control is different and something I lack often – but this is our control of our EVERYTHING. I think it’s conversation worthy.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]