My Hip Life Monthly
I find myself more often than not; finding myself.
With that, I also find; reflection, the utmost self-awareness and moreover realization – I can state that what I feel I am finding; is truth.
Truth in who I am and who I am perceived to be. Often built up in an incredible limelight, but unheard when the stakes often have come at such a high cost. I mean, there is incredible support surrounding all of us, so compliments and kudos if genuine, truly do come with a heartwarming acceptance and face value.
However, do I feel they are warranted?
Personally I feel determined by the desire to do great things, but inside I feel that expectation is not being met or the pain that is constant in the rat race to reach certain goals is negated by this form of “support”. I guess we all have inner ambitions and refrain from combating the compliments and encouragement with “can’t you see I am drowning?” or “don’t you know the pressure i am under and how constantly i am robbed of time, money and professional energy”?
Instead, it’s a thank you
Accepting the challenge to meet demands or at least the expectations set around me. But in finding more of myself this past year, I realize so much more is gained from the honest approach and sometimes without it – the very worst signs of self, explode.
Yup, full breakdown
Whether it be rage or tears, the self doubt or overworked tired – and stubborn me has reared her ugly face. I’m human. Perfectly imperfect. So set a bar for me and guess what, although it may hurt and have me swallow that pain – I am now in a place where I can also swallow my pride if I don’t reach it the first time.
The thing is, this is a new frontier for me.
Actually I am going to safely say for 90% of the cannabis sector, it is a new frontier for them too. Navigating the international landscape of this new, regulatory nightmare of an industry is not for the weak or the cocky or the judgemental or the impatient. It will take time, even more than already vested and in my case that’s already 2.5 years. Stigmas are still active and loud. Laws still restrictive and present. Haters are still competitive and foolish. Lovers are still blind and disillusioned.
So I am certain of finding myself. I know this is where I want to be because I also find all the above to be empowering and so; when the hurt is about to implode it’s pent up responses to what another may think they are finding from the outside looking in. Cannabis world even aside for a moment here, i must remind myself that no one can truly find me if i don’t allow myself to be seen. So there it is folks. It’s NOT all kittens and rainbows.
It’s not a perfect world so how could myself or anyone be anything more than imperfect?
But don’t worry because worry, well that’s often fake too. The true appreciation for someone comes from perhaps concern but not as a worry, it should come in the form of love.
That, I have a lot of!
Set the bar lower and that way you can reach your goals even when you’re at your lowest.
Set the bar higher and others expect or secretly urge you to fall as you climb higher, however you feel best when you reach it yourself.
Set the bar in the middle and you will find yourself perfectly imperfect and come to realize how much the bar can be set again and again; day after day, because it’s okay to change your mind, your feelings and your direction. Especially when most people don’t take the time to really KNOW what someone else is going through, it shouldn’t matter therefore where your bar is set.
So I feel that what I am feeling about what others have felt – no longer matters as long as I know me. And to me, nothing matters more than that.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]